So I know I said this blog was mostly for positive things, but I can’t help but to write about the way my brain managed to horrify me last night.
I was somewhere, and for whatever reason a bunch of girls I had gone to elementary and high school with were also there, and we were all wearing these evening gowns with satin gloves and high heels, all the same color and design. The girls were being paraded out one by one, and eventually my friend Melanie, who died on her 16th birthday, was among them. She gave me her normal small smile when she saw me, and then kept going. She was sort of limping as she walked, but I chalked it up to the fact that she wasn’t used to wearing high heels and let her go on.
A little time passes and my friend Nicki has this panicked look on her face, and is gesturing ahead. In my mind, I knew what she was referring to without her saying anything. We were caught in some kind of time loop, and Melanie was about to die again. I broke into a run, and of course it was that special dream form of running where it’s slow motion and it’s like you’re trying to run under water, gravity is too heavy and you can’t go as fast as you want. Other people were streaming past me, all of us trying to reach her.
But we were too late. There she was, lying on her back, arms splayed out, dead, in that same evening gown. I screamed a high pitched scream and was able to move at normal speed again, and I cradled her head in my lap and cried. “Too late! We were too late again!”
Mind you, Melanie died in a car crash, and she was dressed in her normal clothes at the time. It wasn’t a drunk driving scenario, just a guy who lost control of the car while driving in the rain. No one could have predicted it happening, and there wasn’t any way we could have prevented it. But damn if that dream didn’t feel real at the time.
I’ve had dreams with her in them before, but they are usually much more peaceful, just situations where we’re hanging out again and everything is as it was. I’d like to have those kinds of dreams again, please.